so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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