can we get nightvision for the apartment?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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