When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
