apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
