At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
