He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
