Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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