the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We are all done wearing pants today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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