He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
