he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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