My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
