Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize