Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I would ride that face into the sunset
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
