sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
