I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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