An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
