Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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