There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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