I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
