I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize