I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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