ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
