Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
