this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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