I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Text me some of your sweat
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
