I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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