haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
