wanna go halves on a baby?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
