I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize