WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
