if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
