How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
