Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize