Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
