whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
