You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
