batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
