I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
