So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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