do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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