In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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