I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
