Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
