she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
