I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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