Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
