Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize