Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
