I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize