Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
