Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
