honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
