You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
