Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm like, not good at living.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
