At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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