I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Someone came in the potted fern
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
