mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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