I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
