I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
