don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My ATM looks so different sober.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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