i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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