Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
