someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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