WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you never un-have a 4some
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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