Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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