There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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