So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
