My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
